Know! the Five Reasons Young People Give for Using Alcohol, Tobacco and Other Drugs

Reason 3
To Relax and Feel Good

Being young doesn't necessarily mean being carefree. Young people often cite stress as a reason they use alcohol, tobacco and other drugs. Let's face it, there is a lot in the environment that makes it difficult for kids today, such as:

• Changing family structures
• A deluge of multimedia influences
• Violence and gangs
• Economic pressure
• Sexually transmitted diseases
• Easy access to alcohol, tobacco and drugs
• Lack of adult supervision and positive role models
• More teen pregnancies
• Lack of safe places to learn, play and socialize

These are all factors that may contribute to an upturn in drug abuse in this country. Some young people think that alcohol or illegal drugs will cheer them up or make them forget about the problems they have.

Adults and children sometimes develop unhealthy ways of dealing with stress. How many times have we heard people say, "Boy, I could use a drink," as an antidote to stress? How many of us truly know how to deal with stress in healthy ways? Children (and parents) need to learn how to deal with stress and how to relax.

Children also need someone to help them through difficult times, someone to whom they can express their concerns and apprehensions without fear of rejection or recrimination. One of the most important things that can keep children away from substance abuse is the love and support of at least one caring adult who mentors them through the many phases of childhood.

Express Thoughts and Feelings
Most of us would probably agree that we feel much better when we are free of troubling worries and concerns. Being able to express thoughts and feelings with someone we feel comfortable with - whether it be a spouse, a coworker, or a friend - can make all the difference in how we feel about ourselves and in how we interact with the world around us.

Similarly, young people try on new thoughts and new feelings. Being able to express thoughts and feelings is the essence of our being human and what differentiates us from animals. When we try to limit the thoughts and feelings of our children, we are taking a great deal away from them. When we deny that their feelings are real, we are denying that children are individuals with their own perceptions. Young people who are taught to express themselves are going to have an easier time dealing with peer pressure and resisting other temptations.

Always telling someone to shut up or silencing them by never paying any attention to their thoughts and feelings could sever their connection to you. They are likely to either rebel, hide out, or get even. We've all heard stories about young people who are ignored, abandoned, or rejected. They hurt and they express their pain through anger. They revert to violence or other forms of acting out. Or they repress all of their feelings and choose to comfort themselves through alcohol, tobacco, or other drugs.

Follow these action steps:

>You can teach your child how to express their thoughts and feelings by using figures on TV. Ask them if they feel the way that so-and-so does. Ask about these feelings. You can read stories from the newspaper and ask if your child has any thoughts about the story or the characters.

> Many families use the dinner or supper hour as a time to share stories about events or to discuss current affairs. Be aware, however, that this time should be limited to positive discussion. It is probably not appropriate to discuss upsetting issues such as failing grades, bad news in the newspaper, or other scary topics. It is definitely not the time to be fighting with each other.

Digesting food is an important bodily function that should be respected. Sometimes children associate food with the unpleasantness that may arise at the dinner table and may develop poor eating habits. After-dinner discussions can teach a lot about the value of expressing yourself by encouraging passionate exchanges of words. You can make clear that it is your expectation that no one will use any violence or curse words and you can set standards for these discussions.

Make wise decisions/solve problems

Follow these action steps:

> Children need to be taught how to make decisions. You can guide them
through a set of questions:

• What am I trying to decide and what do I know about it?
• How do I know my information is accurate?
• Who told me about it?
• What more do I need to know before going ahead?
• Who has the information I need?

> And once the decision is made ask these questions:

• What are the good effects of this decision?
• What are the bad effects?

After this, you can ask the child to reconsider his or her decision and take responsibility for the consequences.

There are many ways to help reduce stress in your child's life. Some of these include:

• Allow your child to express his or her feelings and concerns.
• Promote good nutrition and exercise during the early years so that these become habits for a lifetime.
• Let the child you care for know that you also experience pain, fear, anger, and nervousness.
• Look at your own coping skills to see if you are setting a good example.
• Teach your child some relaxation exercises like deep breathing and sitting quietly for 10 to 20 minutes.
• Help the child you care for develop his or her imagination so that he or she can make the most of opportunities that might arise from a stressful situation.
• Set goals based on the child's ability - not on someone else's expectations.
• Teach them the value of forgiveness of others and of themselves.
• Don't tire your child out by having too many activities all at once.
• Give your child a big hug or take a long walk with him/her before and/or after a stressful situation.
• Establish a special time each day just for the two of you. It can be as simple as reading a book together, watching a TV program, gardening, or baking a dessert.
• Show confidence in your child's ability to handle problems and tackle new challenges.
• Get your child's input about dealing with a stressful situation and show your appreciation for his or her thoughtfulness.
• Help the child you care for express anger positively, without having to resort to violence.
• Help a child learn from mistakes and learn to forgive (set an example: don't hold a grudge or punish for no reason).

Example
The child is asked if he or she wants to smoke marijuana.
You can practice the decision-making process with the child under your care.

Ask:
1. What do you know about marijuana?
(Use the child's own name for it, if possible.) If he or she doesn't know much about marijuana, you could take a trip to the local library for information. You can also contact Know! at 1-866-999-KNOW or www.HelpThemKnow.com.

2. What else do you need to know?
You can state that marijuana is illegal and use may cause him or her to be suspended from school. A conviction of possession might hamper his or her job opportunities.

Or you can say that you disapprove of its use and he or she will be disappointing you by smoking marijuana.

Or, while he or she may temporarily feel like part of the crowd, true friendship doesn't depend on whether one goes along with everything everyone else does.

Or, while there are some young people who smoke marijuana, most young people do not.

Marijuana may give temporary good feelings, but it often leads to decreased interest in primary areas of life. Instead of building up his or her talents - cooking, sports, gardening, carpentry, music, auto repair, beading, dancing, acting - he or she gets caught up in the drug culture. Youth is a time for learning new things, finding friends and building support networks. A child needs to know that drugs can interfere with all of this.

A child also needs to know that drug use doesn't just have a negative effect on him or her. It can also have a negative effect on others. A teacher may grow tired of increased absences or lethargy, or a grandparent may grow resentful that a favorite grandchild no longer visits.

You might point out that behaviors like these can turn into a bad cycle. The child may think that his teacher or favorite uncle doesn't like him anymore instead of realizing that his behavior (drug use) has changed the relationship. The child, without being able to see this, just says, "The heck with it. Nobody likes me anyway." This attitude begins to spread to other relationships and then serves as a primary defense for using drugs - "Nobody cares about me, so why shouldn't I smoke marijuana?"

One of the primary differences between kids from the '60s generation and today's generation is a change in the composition of our neighborhoods. In the 1960s and 1970s, there were more extended families. The teacher, the minister, the banker, the corner grocery owner, the neighbors, and others took responsibility for helping to ensure that any child in that neighborhood stayed out of trouble. And young people didn't want to violate these relationships. We need more of these influences for our young people today.

How can you tell if your child is under stress?
Some signs of stress among young people are:

• Has low self-esteem
• Has little energy
• Has a short attention span
• Is often happy
• Is extremely hyperactive
• Is often depressed
• Is inactive
• Often misbehaves
• Angers easily
• Fights frequently
• Is easily frustrated
• Uses adult sexual terms
• Says bad things about self
• Refuses to do as told
• Walks unsteadily
• Makes strange voices, grunts, growls, snorts
• Cries easily
• Is sulky
• Is detached and unresponsive
• Is uncommunicative
• Has a change in eating habits
• Has mood swings
• Shows increased defiance or rejections of authority
• Has a change in appearance and personal hygiene
• Has a change in personality
• Is abusive to siblings
• Has falling grades
• Talks back

These symptoms may indicate that you are under stress:
• Unresponsiveness to your child
• Frequent illness
• Low energy
• Frequent depression
• Confusion
• Low self-esteem
• Abusiveness
• Suspiciousness of others
• Alcohol or drug abus
• Weariness
• Crying easily
• Inability to sleep
• Constant worrying
• Inability to make quick decisions
• Feeling overwhelmed
• Fearfulness
• Poor eating habits
• Constant complaining
• Tension headaches
• Desire to be alone more often
• Rejection of advice and assistance
• Mood swings
• Sleeping more
• Irritability and short-temperedness

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